no right way to live (or grieve)
by SingingWhileCrying
Summary: Midoriya and Todoroki have a late night conversation. (WARNING : HAS MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH!)


The death of All Might and the death of Yagi Toshinori were two very different days.

All Might's last hurrah had been a sight to see - smoke radiated off of his true form as his final fight against All for One ended, the latter being dragged into the Madien. All Might was panting, breathing heavy before raising one fist into the air, eyes fixed on the camera. He slowly lowers his fist, and points to the villains standing behind him.

"You're next!" He said as loudly as he could, inhaling the bitter smell of smoke.

One of the largest crowds watching, centered around a digital billboard in the heart of Kamino, had been quiet as he delivered his message. Suddenly, as fast as someone ripping off a band-aid, the majority of people bursted into screams of relief. Screams of excitement and encouragement.

Midoriya Izuku was not in the majority.

All Might's message rang in his ears violently, sending a shiver down his spine as the sun reveals itself from behind other skyscrapers. He felt like he was going to collapse, vision blurry as tears welled up in his eyes. He couldn't stop them from overflowing even if he tried.

 _Everyone thinks he's warning future criminals that they will be defeated,_ Midoriya thought to himself, furiously wiping away his tears. _But he's not just speaking to them - he's speaking to me._

Midoriya's cries were washed away in one of the most viewed moments in history - All Might's last stand. A large and intense fight that forced him into retirement, etched into history as one of the most heroic moments of all time.

The death of Yagi Toshinori, however, had been anything but.

He had been suffering from a slowly developing lung tumor for at least ten years prior to his death, something the doctors' were unable to catch until it had advanced to stage IV, metastasizing in the bones of his ribcage.

"There's nothing they can do." Yagi had said, eyes shining as he spoke to Midoriya. "The doctor gave me six to eight months, but if I keep fighting I could make it to this time next year."

Midoriya was sure he never cried harder in his life, clinging to Yagi when he suddenly embraced him. His body was bony, the severe effects of the disease blatant. Midoriya could feel one of the metastasized tumors on his back as he clung to him - his mentor. His ally.

And he was most likely going to lose him before the end of the year.

Yagi requested that his illness was hidden from the public swiftly after, wanting to spend his time doing what made him happy, or try doing new things he had been wanting to do for years. At one point, he went on a one-man trip to America for nearly an entire month.

Swiftly after that, his condition deteriorated further. Fatigue set in, and soon he was rarely leaving the house. He struggled to stay independent, becoming notably frustrated when anyone close to him asked if he may need help from either them or from a home-care worker.

Midoriya attempted to help him when he could, buying groceries and helping him if he needed to move far distances, but soon it impacted the quality of his work. The press noticed his dark circles and lowered time in uniform, and jumped to several different conclusions - not of which were correct.

In the last few days, Midoriya took off from work and tried assisting Yagi whenever possible, but he was becoming stubborn. He refused to eat, he barely drank, and he was acting increasingly delirious. He kept telling Midoriya that he saw his mentor, Shimura Nana, in his dreams.

Midoriya knew that the end was close when Yagi himself told him to call an ambulance, screaming that he couldn't breathe.

They took him in on a Wednesday in the evening, and he was gone by the following morning.

Midoriya had been in the ICU room with him, listening as Yagi, unconscious, took in his last breath before flatlining.

His entire body went rigid, and he wasn't focusing as his body rose on its own and left the room. He found the closest nurse, and spoke. His voice was ringing in his ears, yet sounded like a million miles away.

"Yagi Toshinori passed away."

He left the hospital minutes later, body rigid as his mind screamed thousands of thoughts at once.

 _You could've done more, you know-_

 _He's gone, he's gone, he's gone-_

 _You just sat there and didn't do a thing-_

 _He's gone! He's gone - he's dead!_

Midoriya entered his car, slammed the door hard enough to make the car shake, and sobbed until he couldn't cry anymore.

* * *

The service was small, only Yagi's closest friend's and students' attending. The press was still unaware of his death, and Midoriya held the desire to keep it that way until after the service was complete and thank you cards were sent out.

 _I hope he would be okay with this._ Midoriya thought to himself, walking into the cemetery. He was a few minutes ahead of everyone else, deciding to take a shorter route to travel. _He didn't really want anything too extravagant, so I hope I didn't go too overboard. Maybe I should have at least invited a few more people, or added more flowers, or-_

"Midoriya!"

Midoriya almost jumped at the sound of his name, turning around quickly. Todoroki had just entered the cemetery, wearing a tuxedo similar in color to Midoriya's.

"Oh, Todoroki-kun!" Midoriya said, a small smile briefly appearing on his face. "I haven't seen you in a while. How are you doing?"

Todoroki grunted, crossing his arms. "What about you?"

His emphasis on the word 'you' put Midoriya on-guard, standing up straight. He could feel a bead of sweat run down his forehead. "I'm doing okay, I guess."

Todoroki didn't reply, humming instead. "This is probably hard for you, I think anyway. He was a good man, and I can assume he was also a good father."

Midoriya choked on his spit, cheeks going red. "You still think he's my father?!"

"Yes."

Todoroki stood still, face blank, even as Midoriya hid his face behind his hands, muttering.

"Oh good god, he still thinks that. I told him he wasn't, but then it made perfect sense if he still came to that conclusion. We didn't look similar, but he could've interpreted it as if I had my mother's looks. Plus, we did have similar powers since we were both born quirkless and gained One-"

"Okay. I see you still don't want to confirm my theory."

Midoriya pulled his hands away, cheeks returning to their normal color. "Sorry about that."

"It's fine." Todoroki replied. "Are you doing anything later?"

Midoriya looked down at the ground. _I actually haven't thought about later. I just wanted the service to go well and make sure that it would hopefully be what he wanted._

"I don't think so." He said. "Why?"

"There's a new restaurant nearby that I've heard has good katsudon. We can go after the funeral."

Midoriya pursed his lips, seeing the car holding Yagi's body pulling into the cemetery. He looked back up at Todoroki and smiled softly.

"That would be nice."

* * *

The lighting in the restaurant was dim, candles on the tables and one circular light in the middle of the restaurant illuminated the room. Midoriya and Todoroki had arrived only a few minutes prior, but the once crowded restaurant now seemed deserted.

"I wonder why the waiter seemed so shaken." Midoriya said absentmindedly, fiddling with his cufflinks.

"We are two of the top heroes in the country." Todoroki's tone was dry, a hint a sarcasm noticeable.

Midoriya blinked. "Is it weird to say I keep forgetting that?"

Todoroki shrugged. Swiftly after, an awkward silence entered the room.

What do I say? Midoriya thought to himself, pursing his lips. _We haven't talked in months - mostly cause I spent most of my time either in uniform or helping Toshinori-san. But I shouldn't bring up that - I'll probably just cry. Maybe I could ask about-_

"Do you want to talk, or just mutter?"

Midoriya's head jerked up, a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead. "Oh crap. Sorry about that! I just, uh. Got distracted."

"You mentioned something about a Toshinori-san." He said, making eye contact with Midoriya. "That's All Might's real name, isn't it?"

Midoriya looked down to the ground and sighed. Yep. Still never misses a beat.

"Yeah, it is." He hesitated, the memory of a blaring flatline rang through his ears. "Was."

Todoroki clasped his hands together, humming. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Midoriya looked back up, voice getting caught in his throat.

"I don't know the best way to help, but I think it's better to get everything off of your chest than to bottle it up."

Midoriya bit his lip, staring at the candle in front of him. "Do you ever feel numb?"

Todoroki doesn't reply, but Midoriya continues anyway. "Like - yeah. I cried when it happened. A lot. Yet, at the same time…"

His eyes dart to the wall. "I don't feel like I'm really grieving. It feels like I've been on autopilot for the last few days, if that even makes sense. I don't feel emotional anymore - I feel." He paused, looking back at Todoroki.

"I feel empty - and I hate that I feel that way. Shouldn't I be crying my eyes out? I cry over everything, but not this? I don't get it. Maybe it's because I was there as his condition deteriorated, and fought with him near the end."

"About what?"

Midoriya squeezes his eyes shut. "Everything. I remember, around a week before he passed, he started outright refusing to take any medication. We could be on the verge of yelling and yet he was stubborn as a diamond. I tried doing what I could, but maybe I just."

He back slumps forward, head drooping as he sighed. "Maybe I just didn't do enough."

"You seem to have a lot on your plate." Todoroki said, expression unreadable.

"Yeah." Midoriya replied. "I guess I have."

He paused for a brief moment, looking around the room quickly. "I know that All Might wouldn't want me to overthink this, but how can I not, ya' know?"

Todoroki hummed. "I know that - it's a fact, Midoriya. Also, the food is coming."

Midoriya turned his head and saw, from the corner of his eye, their blushing waitress carrying their food.

"If you ever need to talk about this again, I'm here."

Midoriya smiled softly, whispering as the waitress reached them: "Thank you."

* * *

 **tumblr : insertbnhapunhere**


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